REALLY?!?! Is this necessary?!

I know that being pregnant comes with its challenges and I am fine with that. In fact I was ready for that -- or so I thought. Starting last week on Monday or something (idk really) I started to have some serious all day morning sickness. I mean I could barely get up my body was so weak, throwing up water, and being on cranky bitch!!! I truly wasn't prepared for that intense amount of sickness. When I was prego with Elija, I had the 24 hour sickness, but handled it really well; this sickness has FUCKED me up!!!! So, when I went to my midwife appt yesterday she prescribed me some Zofran because it won't put me to sleep. 

I took it yesterday (4-30) and within a half hour to hour I started to feel some sharp pains in my vagina, and sharp pains with some deep intensity with a little bit of curdling pain in my stomach and pelvic area. Okay, now this was not good for my psyche. Last time I had pains like this, I went to the E.R. they gave me an exam and some ultrasounds, and that is when the bleeding started and didn't stop. As of right now, I am pretty freaked out and reluctant to even go anywhere or move in any way. I want to try and save this baby (if that is the case).

I called my midwife and told her about these pains and then informed her that one of the side effects you are suppose to immediately call your doctor with in this medication is ..... DING DING DING ...... stomach pain. After hearing that as well, I was thinking that I am one of those few people who got the serious reaction to a damn nausea medication! How great, right?! Anyway, so my midwife told me to discontinue using the Zofran **DUH**, and if the pains are still there tomorrow, then I need to call and they will take it from there.

This is such a hard thing for me and a pain in my ass. Again, i understand that being pregnant comes with it's ups and downs, sickness, and minor pain because your uterus is expanding, but this IS NOT NORMAL. Believe me after two kids, I really do know my body pretty well. I am usually stubborn enough to say "listen, I can't wait until tomorrow. I have two kids I need to take care of, wifely and house duties to constantly try and perform, and I just had a miscarriage in January with the same pain starting it all! I DON'T WANT TO WAIT!!!!!! I need to know if my baby is safe, if I am safe, if I am allergic to the medication, do I need antibiotics, do I need fluids? Come on people. Listen to me!!!!" But of course, I just sit back being in pain, feeling nauseous with no meds, dizzy, and real damn cranky, and just listen to the midwife and wait.

I feel stupid and naive for not standing up for myself or this baby, but I am not bleeding, so I guess they feel like it is not that big of a deal YET. I have cancelled my birthday this year, because of all this sickness and now the pain. I really hope and pray that this baby stays with us. I know that if I have one more miscarriage in this small amount of time, I will FREAK!! In my head, I always am ready for the worst, and I keep picturing that if GOD FORBID a miscarriage happens, I guess more babies aren't meant to be. Of course that is fine, but that makes me incredibly sad. I am ready, the kids are ready and Cameron is finally ready. 

I pretty much right now am pretty sad. I am at work and all I am thinking is that I want to go home and lay down. Just sleep, sleep, sleep, sleep and maybe some crying too. What is the point of sitting here, doing nothing, when I could call the other girl and she could do it? She is in good health and I'm not.
AGGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.
Sad panda. I need something to make me feel better, but I don't know what that is. FIX THIS LORD!!